


Final Kiss

by dan_vs92



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Final Kiss, Journal Three Spoilers, M/M, memory gun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 08:14:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8136928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dan_vs92/pseuds/dan_vs92
Summary: The accounts of Fiddleford Mcgucket before and after the portal was tested and all was erased from his mind.





	

Jan 17th 

Just before I erase it all from my mind, I like to get my thoughts out in the open. Once I know there won’t be closure, that’s when I erase it completely. It’s silly I know but I promised him not to use it, so I like to make sure it’s the only choice available before I use it and writing always helps me some. 

I haven’t slept in a few days now and I hope erasing this from my mind will help me rest a little before the big day tomorrow. I have chosen Stanford over this world, I pray I made the right decision. When he left me alone in that diner, a little over four hours ago now, I felt so lost. I had thought my decision had been the right one but I was wrong and only upset the man I love. I’m gettin’ ahead of myself again, I need to have it all written down with clarity to make certain forgetting is the best option. It began three days before hand, I had begun to realize my calculations weren’t lying, our mission was dangerous or I had thought at the time, I am human and can make mistakes, maybe if I had done that final recheck maybe I wouldn’t have jumped the gun so early. 

Stanford was giving me time to build my courage while I waited for him to arrive that night at Greasy’s Diner. 

I should have listened to that part of me that said I should just burn those papers I had written and double checked our calculations. Instead I held my ground as I waited, knee bouncing faster every second that passed and Stanford still hadn’t shown up. I kept my hands idle, scratching the diagram that had been embedded in my mind onto a napkin hoping it would prove something to Ford. 

Pride and excitement radiated off him as he entered the diner, making me more nervous about what I was about to propose knowing it would end badly but I wasn’t sure how badly. Tonight his good mood had blinded him to the fact that were in public and he kissed me on the lips before taking his seat across from me. I was glowing red momentarily losing my fears taking a glance back no eyes were on us, not even Susan who was busy serving another customer. I smiled back at him and listened to him excitedly tell me all about his research as we did every night, but I couldn’t focus on his words. It was rude of me to keep nodding along with words that never reached my ears but I couldn’t keep my mind off my own mission, showing him what I had been up to the past few days. Showing him why I hadn’t been coming to bed or showing up to meals lately, he thought I was working on my new computer prototype since I had misplaced mine somewhere I couldn’t remember. I should have let us keep living in that lie. 

I merely picked at my food as he talked, I didn’t catch most of his words but the tone behind them made my stomach tie in knots of guilt knowing I was going to ruin everything. I felt I had to at the time though, I had worked hard on this thesis and I had to try. At the time I didn’t think my calculations could lie and even now I question if they do. I didn’t want to hurt anyone and this was final chance to voice my concerns. 

As he raised his glass to toast our bright future, I whispered my concerns and silently slid the diagram towards him that I had doodled long ago. I finally voiced my concerns of us being reckless, telling him in great detail how my final calculations had revealed deep flaws in our design --- flaws that would lead to disastrous consequences. 

As I begged him to reconsider, I saw his face contorting from the carefree glee it once was to the deep disappointment it was now. He didn’t need to say for me to know, he thought I was overthinking this again and was cowardly trying to back out of the unknown once more. As I often did and always really had. Always better safe than sorry, even if it meant never knowing what the truth was out there. 

I had asked in the past but finally speaking my mind was making me bold, I once more asked where he was getting these ideas from. I felt brave when I asked him that again and if he would have come clean, I decided then and there I would too. There would be no more secrets between us, I would tell him about the club I had founded around the device he told me I should destroy. We would never need to feel like we had to lie to each other, we would be happy. We would be clean and work through our secrets together, talking like a couple should over these things instead of hiding them in the dark where no one could see them. That is until, I brought out the thesis paper I had worked on for days without any breaks or sleep. I never intended it to upset him, I only wished to help him. I hoped this paper would help us both move on, to become happier and stronger somewhere else far away from the looming disaster that might be before both of us. 

All hell broke loose after that and I was to blame. 

He was no longer disappointed with me, he was furious. He didn’t speak to me, he sat there with his head down, not even wanting to look at him. I just wanted to take it back then and there, I had never seen Ford like this before. What did I think was going to happen? I had taken his dreams, his discoveries and slapped them together without even consulting him first. I had worked for days cataloging all of his discoveries together like it was my own thesis, I had tried to be as respectful as I could possibly be with his work but without his consultation, it meant nothing. What I once felt was helping him out was only a slap in the face to this man I loved so much and I knew that then and there seeing the utter betrayal on his face. I didn’t want that, I only wanted to help. I only wanted for us to be happy and to not go through with anything that may endanger the lives of others. 

Ford was seething, I knew I had made my mistake, it was wrong to do so much behind this man’s back and demand he tell me what he was holding from me. I reached across the table, for once not caring who saw, only wanting him to forgive me for upsetting him and possibly pleading my case later. I grasped his hand and his glare stayed locked on me, gently I placed a soft kiss on his extra finger, an action I always do when I know he is upset. 

He snatched his hand back from me, as if my touch was toxic and called for the check loudly while I sank into my seat, eyes down cast knowing there was no talking to him right now. I just wished to take everything back in that moment, go back to ignoring my concerns and letting them fester in the back of my mind once more. Maybe just erase them as I am planning on doing now and just go through with the test and see with my eyes I was wrong and worrying over nothing again. 

“We will do the test tomorrow night at eight o’ clock sharp,” he had snarled as I sank deeper into myself beating myself up further for doing this during a dinner that should have been for celebration, “Be there or get left behind. The choice is yours.” 

I sat there for a very long time and paid the check Ford had forgotten in his haste to get away from me after I had upset him so. I left the thesis paper there knowing it caused nothing but pain when it wasn’t the intention and walked solemnly towards my sanctuary that of course young Ivan was still at, helping out an elderly couple who had lost their son, a lumber jack, to one of those monsters in the woods and wished to forget. 

I smiled towards him but he could see I was upset and handed me the gun right away and told me I needed it tonight and should just erase whatever it was on my mind before it consumed me. Currently my hand is still resting on the devise and I feel as if I have made my choice like Stanford wanted me to make. I just pray it’s the right one.

I have written a sticky note and it will be posted on my Cubics Cube (I know I will have to once more arrange it anyhow when I get home so I know it will be the first thing I touch when I get up) so I don’t forget, to apologize to Stanford and give him a kiss for luck before we begin the first test. 

I know I’m stalling now but I’m always a little afraid before I use the gun, it always feels like a test run and Ford might be right, this thing could be dangerous. It might kill me but the to burn pile of paper next to me says otherwise, it is safe and it is here to help people like me live without so much fear. 

Whelp, here goes nothing, one more shot and all of my problems shall be gone. I won’t hurt Ford anymore with my doubt of our legacy, tomorrow I will wake up tired since it is quite late now and I haven’t slept in days but hopeful and without fear. 

Nothing bad will happen and I am a fool to think otherwise. 

Jan 18th.   
My hands won’t stop shaking, these words don’t matter any. I can’t read them now and they will be destroyed along with anything he gave me later. 

There is no going back. Them promises mean nothing to me now nor will they ever mean anything ever again. 

I can’t unsee it. I have doomed us all. I can’t. I won’t. I ain’t dealing with this any longer. I’m not thinking about him anymore. I just need to forget. 

(These pages were soon burned with the memory of Stanford Pines.)


End file.
